Chocolate covered pretzels

Itchy brain cells

2012-01-19T21:35:00.001+13:00

We had a team morning tea today at work and I couldn't resist. I knew it was planned so I didn't take snacks and I tracked everything and am under overall. But I have an itch at the back of my mind that tells me I've underestimated the calories. Oh well.

Yesterday and today's achievements: I got walks in both days and hit my water intake. Yesterday I stopped eating marshmallows while there still some left.

Tomorrow I'm off to the Big Day Out (music fest thing). Plenty of exercise and little opportunity to eat since the only thing I hate more than paying for bad food is paying exorbitant prices for bad food :).

The ex still haunts...

2012-01-18T08:37:00.000+13:00

Made it through day 2 only a little over in calories (I blame the rain - was set to go for a 45min walk when the thunder started). Got through all my water - yay! Did get a short walk around campus in at lunch time.

It's a miracle I didnt turn back to the bottle last night - D had been dealing with the ex wife and I was reminded of how damn hot she is now. Big swear words. I will not let her defeat me! Yes I have issues.

Today's goal is the same as yesterdays Pinky - "resist muffin, reach my required water intake, walk after work."

Year 3 Day 1 Over

2012-01-17T13:05:00.000+13:00

Yep, I can't believe I've been trying at this for 3 years now. Sweet jebuzz. Anyway - this week may see daily posts in an effort to strengthen my own resolve while I get 'back on the horse' so to speak.

Yesterday's achievements: Weighed in (ugh), tracked everything, went for a bike ride that made my lungs burn.
Today's goal: Resist muffin, reach my required water intake, walk after work.

So far so good!

2 steps forward, 1 step back does not the macarena make

2012-01-06T12:39:00.000+13:00

Have had a bit of a catch up on blog posts this week (under duress - I still don't like the new blogger format) and it's been great seeing some of your 'year in reviews'. So what about me? I didn't weigh in yesterday but I know I'm around the 84.5kg mark. That means I'm 3.7kg / 8 pounds down on this time last year. God that's pathetic. But at least it's a loss and we should be celebrating the small victories right? Right.

Fitness wise I'm a shocker. Lyn over at Escape from Obesity is doing a fitness challenge for the New Year - I hear ya sister. Started today with a morning shag and my legs feel like they've run a marthon! Need to fix that...

Going camping next week. Weather is meant to be atrocious. Can't wait. Can't promise a new fitness regime will come out it - I foresee much card playing in my immediate future. Hope you're all well, wherever you are xx

Back on track

2011-11-10T08:03:00.000+13:00

It's been essentially 4 days since my weekend meltdown and things seem to be on the up. You know how you sometimes seem to need to hit rock bottom before things start to get better? Yep, that's me with weightloss too. I haven't tracked every day but I have been mindfully eating and not going overboard on anything. I achieved a 4 pound loss this week but let's face it - a couple of those were the same pound I'd lost last month lol. Am going to start doing a weekly pro and con at the end of each post - here's the first one:

Pro: Walks are now the 'long' route by default - no longer have to negotiate with D on which route we take (the 'normal' route feels too short!).
Con: Baileys Irish Cream has way more calories than I realised. Had been totally underestimating how much I was pouring! Oops! Must plan better for this one :).

Inspiration from ex's and a bit of Google stalking

2011-11-05T17:22:00.001+13:00

Right. Mark my words. 5:15pm Saturday afternoon and this is the beginning of a new era. I've lost my mojo. I'm in a funk. I'm rationalising eating all the left over scorched almonds and contemplating take out. Need to stop. May as well make it now. 5:16pm.

The ex husband of D's ex wife has lost 100 pounds in the last 6 months after a tummy stapling op. He's still an arsehole but he's a confident, healthier arsehole. D's ex wife is hitting the gym 5 days a week and looking the best she ever has. Bitch, he's mine now - hands off. Yes, this is all thanks to stalking them online and them having stupid open Facebook profiles. A close friend has lost 33kg in the last year and looking stinking hot. Meant to be seeing her tonight but am faking a sickie. The scorched almonds are gone but there is no take out. The control taking starts now. No more shit. I am in control. I can't let the ex wife beat me. Where do you get your inspiration from?

Taking inspiration from the Biggest Loser

2011-09-29T08:54:00.002+13:00

We had the finale of season 10 last night here in New Zealand. As well as the usual crying (from me on the couch) there was a renewed sense of 'I need to get off this couch and get moving again'. Luckily D agreed with me so our weigh in days have moved to Thursday (today) and we're starting fresh.

I reflected briefly this morning on how far I've come. 14.6kg, 32 pounds. 14.9%. And I've managed to not pile it all back on when I wasn't watching. We've already started planning our next big holiday in June 2012 - I'm aiming to be under 78kg by then. Imagine the clothes I'll be able to buy!

Walking is working

2011-08-23T07:52:00.001+12:00

Scales showed a 900gram loss this week (to make up for last weeks gain). I ate a little off plan here and there but tracked everything and exercised extra to compensate. Seems to be working!

Back in July I set myself the goal of hitting 400mins of exercise but mid August. I can't say it's been consistent but I've done it 2 weeks out of the last 6 - a reasonable ratio.

Week 1: 1,247 calories in 215 minutes
Week 2: 3,746 calories in 675 minutes
Week 3: 1,575 calories in 235 minutes (um...yea...not so great!)
Week 4: 1,433 calories in 240 minutes (not much better!)
Week 5: 1,607 calories in 248 minutes
Week 6: 2,620 calories in 475 minutes

Time for a new goal?

EEK! Up a smidge and it's my own fault...

2011-08-16T14:19:00.001+12:00

My weigh in this morning confirmed that I've been slack at both tracking and exercising this week. Even though I loved the homemade custard squares, potato chips and roast pork - they did not love me back. A 300gram gain (.6 of a pound) is a small price to pay for my laziness. D is away for nearly a week from tomorrow, the weather is freezing and I don't have a kitchen at the moment. I can see a challenge ahead and f*#k me I need to meet it.

Ed note: Check out my net calories for the week after D made me track EVERYTHING (love you!) - should be around 1,000 for each day. Yea. Can see why there was no loss this week!

The week where I wore a purple shirt

2011-08-09T08:19:00.000+12:00

Made up for last weeks status quo with with a loss of 1.5kg! (3.3pounds). The most I've lost in a week ever. Fitness wise, not so great. Lots of late nights at work and lunchtime meetings meant no laps around the campus during the day.

Week 1: 1,247 calories in 215 minutes
Week 2: 3,746 calories in 675 minutes
Week 3: 1,575 calories in 235 minutes (um...yea...not so great!)
Week 4: 1,433 calories in 240 minutes (not much better!)
Week 5: 1,607 calories in 248 minutes

Had 2 NSVs in the past week. Firstly I was able to fit a T I bought 2 years ago while on holiday that I swore 'I would never fit' but it was my favourite colour and from a concert where my favourite band played. So awesome to put it on and still have circulation in my arms! Secondly, D and I went for brunch on Sunday and I skipped the eggs benedict and ordered poached eggs on 5 grain toast, no butter with peppermint tea. Didn't even get a coffee! And I left half a slice of toast behind. I think I'm going mad...but in a totally awesome way. Hope you all have a great week!

Big Fat Zero

2011-08-02T08:48:00.000+12:00

That is, a big zero loss this week. Which I'm not happy about but I need to also celebrate a small NSV that happened over the weekend. D has had all my credit / cash cards for some time now as I tend to go crazy when I hit the supermarket on my own. Well he was away for 4 days and I needed to buy some things for the house so he left me a card. And I went to a supermarket and didn't go crazy! Yes I thought about it, but I went a bit further to a 'nice one' and only got what I needed. No huge packets of chips or peanut slabs! That's a V for Victory in my books :).

The Inside Scoop On Fiber

2011-07-27T08:43:00.000+12:00

All my blogging buddies need to watch this - it's an excellent breakdown of what fibre / fiber is, the difference between types and what to watch out for on labels. Simply awesome. Thanks Shane!

Inside Scoop On Fiber And How Not To Be Fooled By Food Labels | Shaping Concepts Fitness Blog

It's freezing!

2011-07-26T08:36:00.000+12:00

New Zealand is in the middle of a cold snap and if you've ever been here you'll know that we're not really set up for cold weather. Not central heating. No double glazing. Just flimsy, draughty wooden houses! Never mind. I've been keeping up the walking as much as hailstorms allow. Fitness stats for this week:

Week 1: 1,247 calories in 215 minutes
Week 2: 3,746 calories in 675 minutes
Week 3: 1,575 calories in 235 minutes (um...yea...not so great!)

Hold the phone - lost another kilo! Needless to stay I'm amped and this just proves that tracking works :).

Shifting focus and weight!

2011-07-19T08:12:00.000+12:00

I said last week that I was shifting focus to exercise and it seems to have paid off. A whole 1 kg (2.2 pound) loss this week. I feel like the Biggest Loser - awesome.

Fitness stats:
Week 1: 1,247 calories in 215 minutes
Week 2: 3,746 calories in 675 minutes (blow it out of the water baby!)

I also made a wee breakthrough on the food addiction side of things. D has been in control of my cash for some time now as I know I can't be trusted to not buy crap food. I 'needed' the credit card to buy veges and I thought I was going to get a massage on Saturday so begged it off D while he was at work. However my internal dialog started before I even got in the car. Just get a small packet of chippies. Just a small peanut slab. Just one bagel instead of a bag...

I ended up not going at all. I knew I'd blow my plan and be even more angry with myself than usual. And I'm so glad I did - a whole kg loss is SO worth it! Have a great week everyone :)

Moving focus

2011-07-12T08:39:00.000+12:00

What my current walking shoes
would have looked like when new!

Lost 400g this week after a full week of tracking for the first time in (ahem) ages and a bit of exercise despite the thunder, lightning and hailstorm(s). It's this thing called exercise that I'm now focusing on. I know all the foods and what fills me up, what doesn't etc so I need to focus on the movement side of things.

My tracker says I've burnt 1,247 calories in 215 minutes over the past 7 days. That's averaging bang on 30 minutes a day. And about half what I should be doing. So my goal for the next month is to increase those minutes to 400 per week by mid August.

Have been catching up on some other bloggers and am jealous as hell of the North American summer. :) Yay for those of you that are out there swimming - have an awesome time!

2 losses in 1 week

2011-06-02T20:16:00.000+12:00

Lost just over a pound this week. More importantly I lost my best friend of 19 years, my darling cat Rooney. He's been with me through (excuse the pun) thick and thin, boyfriends, husbands and partners. He's moved house 8 times and maintained his super cool composure the whole time. A great rat catcher but more lover than fighter. Would befriend all the neighbourhood cats rather than defend his territory. He will be sadly missed. Nothing like going through old photos and catching glimpses of yourself at your fattest to strengthen your resolve though so thank you Rooney, I'll keep going this week for you xxx.

No more flashing B A T T

2011-05-24T08:38:00.001+12:00

I've had a week of yummy (read: rich) conference food, a weekend of Easter bunnies and ok lets face it - 2 months of general binging. The battery in my scales went flat which was a great excuse to take my eye off the ball.I know it's bad because it's got to the point where suggesting a healthy dinner or saying no to junk food generates a 'poor me' face from D. Just when he was getting good at being my moral food compass.

Never mind - onwards and ~~upwards~~ downwards. Day 4 of tracking (I need it!). Weigh in this morning on the freshly charged scales revealed 88.8kg. My pre Christmas weight and a lucky number in some countries. A gain of 2kg (5lbs) since my last weigh in. It could have been a lot worse. The aforementioned conference was in Sydney - I bought a pair of jeans there that I don't fit so that's the current motivation. I can do it!

Moaning manky me

2011-04-16T20:32:00.000+12:00

Stop reading now. I'm warning you - there's moaning afoot. Fuck. And bad language. Double fuck. I haven't weighed myself in over a week. I haven't tracked properly for longer than that. But I have managed to get my fat arse off the couch to go to the supermarket and buy shit food. Potato chips, dip, easter eggs and peanut slabs*. Fuck fuck fuck. Why is it that I can reach out and pick something off a shelf while fighting back tears with the thought of eating it? Damn self service checkouts allowing anonymous binging. I don't think I'd be able to face a checkout operator. I can't even face myself.

I'm home alone again this weekend and then D is picking his daughter up on his way home tomorrow night for a week of the school holidays. I don't want to be here. I want to take my sleeping bag to work and curl up under my desk so I don't have to deal with a grumpy pre teen and paste a smile on my face pretending everything is AOK. Reason 15 why I don't want my own children. I'm fucking selfish: It's my party, I'll cry if I want to.

* I blame my father. He refused to let me have a bite of his when I was child and then made me 'traffic' huge boxes of them to Australia when I visited him as a teenager and still refused me any. And called me 'Tubs'. Yes I have issues.

The day I skipped back to school

2011-03-05T16:32:00.000+13:00

It's raining but it's still awfully hot. I'm not sleeping that well and D reminded me how much better I sleep when I've been for a walk. It's not cool enough for my winter jacket so I chuffed off to find a light shower proof little number today...cheap!

I turned off the escalator in department store number 1 and tada - there's some directly in front of me. Great (not even in the fat peoples section). Check the price - $29 (and I have a $20 voucher). Awesome. Try on the largest size (18). Fits well. Does up around the hips and allows for arms to flap. I hear D's voice in my head "remember you're losing weight - try a size smaller" (he is so awesome). Find the 16 and slide it on. Arms still fit well and it seems to join...try the zip...yep it does up the whole way! I hear my evil side "go on - see how much more you need to lose to fit the 14 (around a US 10)". So I try it on. The arms are still fine. There's no way that zip will do up. Holy shit it does. Must be mis labeled. Try another. It still fits! I practically skip to the checkout. i don't remember the last time I bought a size 14...my high school uniform was a 16. Happy is an understatement!!!

NSV and therapy in one

2011-03-02T15:08:00.000+13:00

One of the reasons I started this weight loss journey was that I wanted to be able to buy clothes in a ‘normal’ store. I was sick of having to head to the fat section and have only shapeless, poncho-like items to choose from. (New Zealand has a pretty tiny selection of plus size clothing in the affordable price range).

It was so hot here in January that I started looking at second hand skirts online. I rarely wear skirts (have always been self conscious of my thick stumpy legs) so this in itself was a reflection of increased self esteem compared to a year ago. And then I actually bought one. And another. And another. Talk about retail therapy! They were all around $10 and labels from ‘normal’ stores. I of course downplayed the chances of me either fitting them right away or them looking any good but you know what? They all look great. I have even been described as ‘sexy’ by a female co-worker while wearing one of them. Strike me down with a feather, that’s something worth posting about!

End of birthday month – start of kick arse March

2011-02-28T09:50:00.000+13:00

It was about this time last year that I stopped posting, stopping tracking, stopped properly caring about me (until June). I put 10 pounds back on and didn’t think twice about it. My birthday is in the first week of February and this used to be the beginning of a couple of binge weeks that extended into larger portion sizes overall. Not this year. Even though I haven’t posted (or tracked much if I’m honest) I have been checking in with the scales and not going nuts. I’ve come too far to let the weight come back now. I had a big clear out of my wardrobe last week and donated all my fat clothes to charity – I can’t put weight back on cause I’d have nothing to wear to work and no one needs to see me walk the halls naked!

I’m aiming to loose another 3kg by Easter Friday (8 weeks). I’m trying to set realistic, achievable goals and then maintain that weight. Activity wise, I’ve been slack with the cardio but busting out the muscles by moving rocks in the garden and shovelling dirt until the cows come home. I’m signed up to do the annual Round the Bays in 2 weeks time – a good kick start to walking regularly again.

Courtesy www.tvnz.co.nz

Lastly, New Zealand is mourning after last weeks Christchurch earthquake. My friends all made it out safely but there are many families missing loved ones. It’s an emotional time. There are some fantastic stories of kindness and neighbour helping neighbour, I’m so proud to be a New Zealander. Kia kaha.

Joining the queue of folk in funks

2011-01-28T10:57:00.002+13:00

I have only just caught up on blog posts and it seems that many of us having a bad week. We have had the 9yo this week and I honestly have no idea how you parents do it full time. I feel like I’ve had about 10 minutes to myself all week and that was probably when she was riding her bike ahead of us while out for a walk. Does that count? Sheeba.

Anyway, as far as food goes, breakfast and dinners were pretty good but lunches went out the window. There were never any leftovers and I seemed to be at the bottom of the pecking order when it came to fruit so I had to buy from the café at work a few times. Yesterday I came down with a migraine that D relieved with an awesome neck rub (thank you!) and not having it today has made me feel 150% better all around. Tracking again and have lots of activity planned for the weekend despite a cyclone scheduled to arrive this afternoon.

Meet the in-laws!

2011-01-20T13:27:00.000+13:00

D and I are off to his brothers wedding this weekend. It’s being held 6 hours away and all I can think about is when I need to ‘stop’ drinking water so that I’m not peeing on the side of the road every 20 minutes. And that of course leads to a bit of anxiety about Monday’s weigh in where I know that I won’t have got my water intake for 2 days and probably will have over indulged at the wedding on Saturday night (yea yea I know – set myself up for success, plan to make good choices, it’s Ok to say no – that’s definitely my starting position!).

Anyway, this weekend is a big milestone in another way – I’m going to meet my in-laws for the first time! D doesn’t speak to them (long story) so I’ve never met them. Of course I will be polite and if I’m honest – I’m a little excited! Promise I won’t turn to the wine if things turn hostile :).

1.5 NSVs!

2011-01-13T12:00:00.000+13:00

The awesome Lee Trousers!

When we were on holiday back in October, I took a gamble and bought some trousers that were ridiculously tight on the basis that the patterned material on the inside of the waistband was ‘pretty’ and they were the right length. I have little stumpy legs and normally have to get all my trousers shortened so I considered these a great find and they were on sale for USD$16. Wohoo!

It was a bit cooler today so I thought I’d try them on ‘just in case’. And they not only fit (that’s the main NSV) but I actually had to add a belt and then realised I’ve run out of holes in my normal ‘work’ belt. Sheeba. Looks like the 8 pounds I lost since getting back from hols came from the lower half for a change!

Finally…Biggest Loser season 8

2011-01-06T11:21:00.000+13:00

Summer school holidays are in full swing down under which means the normal TV schedule gets ditched. YAY! Because it means that Biggest Loser (Season 8) is playing every day at 5pm. Yep that recorder is set and D and I are addicted. I know we’re a bit behind in terms of seasons but it’s been ages since BL has made it to prime time here so I’ll take it!

Aside from that – I’m back at work and glad to be here. The routine helps me keep my meals in check and also encourages me to down water like it’s going out of fashion. I can honestly say that I haven't had a big Christmas break food wise for the first year in 'forever'. Can’t wait for Monday’s weigh in :).

Get lost

2011-01-03T10:24:00.000+13:00

Happy to say I'm back to my 10% off point - lost the 1.3 pounds I gained in Christmas week. How did I do it? I got lost. Yep, was killing time by going for a bush walk on Friday which was only meant to be a short loop track and ended up having to call D for directions and ultimately rescue. I was gone for 5.5 hours - 18km in the end. Ouch. My toes hurt! Learnt the very valuable lession about having a proper map for walks in areas I'm not familiar with. What an idiot.

Anyhoo - back to internet access and tracking my food. Also lifted my first crop of potatoes from the vege garden yesterday. We're now eating courgettes, peas, beetroot and strawberries out of our little garden. Loving it!

Mothers say the nicest things

2010-12-27T10:34:00.000+13:00

This is a long one...sorry! Have caught up on a few Christmas day posts and you all look like you did so well 'food wise'. Yay! I didn't do too bad but I certainly wasn't in diet mode. We don't do the big meal with all the trimmings. Our tradition is to have friends (and my Mum) over for brunch that we cook on the BBQ. The weather is good here and we crowd around the table on the deck and fight over the last of the roasted tomatoes while drinking bubbles in the sun at 10am. It's awesome! We then have nibbles at some point in the afternoon and then I make a salad that my Croatian grandpop used to make followed by pavlova with strawberries and kiwifruit. All in all pretty good and my 1kg gain is not a surprise given the salty chips and alcohol I've consumed since Christmas Eve.

My (skinny) mother said the darndest thing to me on Christmas morning. "Nice dress" she says, followed by "you've lost weight around your chest but not around your hips of course. You'll never be normal around there." Yea awesome. She doesn't know I'm trying and would have no idea how to be supportive if I told her so I just let it go. At least she noticed I was wearing a dress (a Christmas miracle). Her comment didn't hurt but it reminded me of a few ingrained memories I have of growing up. My Dad used to call me tubby - 'Tubs' for short. He even wrote it on my birthday cards...Dear Tubs. No wonder I didn't keep all that stuff when he died.

Lastly, I feel completely deserted by D today. He's gone off to work a music festival for a few days and I was initially supposed to go with him but things changed and he has to take another guy down, things might get complicated blah blah blah. I'm pissed for multiple reasons. I had been looking forward to camping at the festival since the weather is so great. I was also looking forward to seeing some of the bands that are playing. And finally - I have to take this time off work so why the hell would I want to stay at home alone? And my period's due. 'Nuff said I guess. Off to eat fresh cherries. And track them :)

Resetting goals and Merry Christmas possums!

2010-12-23T10:53:00.000+13:00

Late post (and a lack of pre tracking) this week due to Christmas crazyness. Lost 400grams on my normal weigh in day (Monday) and did a quick weigh in this morning to see if that was still true and yep – hadn’t busted it! I usually pre track and plan my food a day in advance and this spontaneous guestimating of calories at functions is a challenge but bring it on!

Have reset my mini goal to lose another 2kg by 22 January – D’s brother is getting married and I already have a dress that I need to look hot in, not to mention can’t afford to buy another so it had better fit :-/.

High humidity and soaring temperatures are putting the stinkers on exercise. My office doesn't have air conditioning and all I can manage at the end of the day is to water the garden, make dinner and collapse. But at least it looks like there will be gorgeous weather on Christmas Day for brunch on the deck and a picnic in the afternoon.

Lastly – welcome back to The Shrinking Violet – looking forward to reading your unctuous updates again :-).

Merry Christmas everyone!

Tracking the evidence and planning for success

2010-12-13T13:40:00.000+13:00

We are having a stinking hot, early summer down here and that means lots of BBQs with friends accompanied by glasses of bubbly that mount up all too quickly. Calorie wise that means I need to plan, pre-plan and plan some more (followed by lots of exercise). Gained 200grams this week which is pretty bang on given I was about 3,000 calories over my target intake this week.

What went wrong

Fish n chips on the beach to celebrate a friends birthday - not my idea, I didn’t need to eat any chips...but did
BBQ dinner with friends – drank a whole bottle of bubbly on my own, well it was 2 bottles between me and a friend but you get the point
Christmas lunch with Marketing at a Thai place – I said yes to the mixed entree
Team Christmas morning tea – I made Christmas cupcakes and ate the 2 that were left over instead of leaving them at work
Sunday afternoon, home alone - I broke into the scorched almonds. Thankfully they were half melted and common sense kicked in after I'd stuffed 6 down. I wasn't even enjoying them. What a waste!

What went right

Farewell lunch for a colleague at a brewery bar – I stuck with the fish, salad and water
BBQ dinner with friends – went easy on the nibbles and said no to the carbs with the main meal
Christmas lunch with Marketing at a Thai place – I felt guilty after the entrée and just had Tom Yum soup for my main (+ water)
Free supplier BBQ at work – single pattie on wholemeal bread with veges, no cheese, no chips, no potato salad
Went for a long walk and a long bike ride on my own (‘tis the season of D working late nights and weekends).
Everything was tracked, no matter how shameful!

So what about this week? I have 3 half day workshops, 2 of which are catered and an afternoon Christmas party. Easy peasy lemon squeezie. See you at 87kg next week :).

Weekend wrap up – down 10%!

2010-12-06T09:09:00.001+13:00

It was one of those weekends where D worked so I was home alone for much of it and what usually happens when I’m home alone? I snack. I graze. I open the fridge repeatedly and start thinking about what I could bake using those boring pantry items that would turn into something calorific and yummy!

But this weekend was different. I had chores to do outside and even when I was catching up on blog posts I didn’t have the urge to munch. Maybe it’s the spring weather. I went into town and kept D company at a Christmas Carols gig last night and took an ice cream in for dinner. All within my calorie budget for the day so no guilt attached (although after reading everyone’s posts on the new Weight Watchers programme I did have a momentary thought about fibre and protein…oops).

The scale loved me this morning and the feeling was mutual. 88kg on the button. 10kg down, 10.2% off, that's 22 pounds! Any way I say it I’m pretty happy :). Can’t remember the last time I’ve been so consistent with downward progress – I’ll take it! Going off to book the reward massage now!

Lack of H2O + sleep = no movement on the scales

2010-11-29T13:31:00.000+13:00

I wasn't surprised when I jumped on the scales this morning and saw the same number as last week. Have been super busy every night after work so haven't managed as much planned activity as I would like, but have managed quite a lot 'incidental' activity along the way. We went to see U2 in concert on Friday night which meant a hefty walk to and from the stadium (bonus!) but I stopped drinking water at about 4pm so I didn't have to pee all night (booo!). I'm not a U2 fan but their 360 set up was amazing and they did a nice tribute to the 27 miners who were lost in the Pike River Mining disaster last week (such a sad week for New Zealand).

Courtesy of u2.com

The weather turned into a scorcher over the weekend and I worked a lot in the garden on Saturday and wandered around the zoo on Sunday (bonus!) but once again, didn't keep my fluids up and had a major headache last night. That time of the month now but I'm still aiming to get below 89kg this week! Have a good one :)

So good I want to slap myself

2010-11-22T14:46:00.000+13:00

Holy cow I’ve become one of those people that seems to have developed self control. D and I had a ‘date day’ yesterday. It started with brunch at the café where we had our first meal together. I ordered poached eggs on 5 grain toast, no butter please. Would you like bacon or hollandaise with that? ~~Yes please~~ No thanks. I started to feel full and didn’t even eat all my toast. Then we had Turkish for dinner. Medium Chicken and salad on rice please. What sauces would you like? ~~Sweet chilli and garlic mayo~~. Just the hummus thankyou. And I left about a third of it behind (including some chicken).

This is a completely foreign concept to me. I wasn’t hungry and I didn’t have food envy. It was all about spending time with D and not what I was ordering. Amazing. I can’t even call it an NSV as the scales rewarded me with a 1.7 pound loss this morning. Not bad baby puppy, not bad.

Finally someone noticed

2010-11-19T09:50:00.001+13:00

I caught up with an out of town friend last night for the first time since February and (drum roll please) she noticed that I’d lost weight! Apparently she thought something was amiss when she saw me cross the road towards her and suspicions were confirmed when we hugged. Wohoo! Finally someone noticed.

Like so many of you out there I haven’t been advertising the fact that I’m trying to lose weight and as a result no one’s bloody noticed! Mum has praised D for looking like he’s lost weight (less than me but yes, very happy for ya) but nothing for her daughter. I guess it’s hard to notice when you see someone every couple of weeks. Thank goodness for folk you don’t see very often!

Who knew I was capable!

2010-11-08T09:23:00.000+13:00

Scales show me pretty much back to pre holiday weight this morning – 90.5kg. So I just lost the same 2.5 pounds that I lost back in September for the 3rd time lol. Anyway, had an awesome Sunday with D – gardening followed by a 10km bike ride around the waterfront (I know!) topped off with my Mum visiting for dinner.

Salad, Chicken, Hummus, Yum!

Desert was the last bag of FLIPZ that we had brought back from holiday. If it was up to me we wouldn’t have come home with any but D was hooked. He’s still carrying an extra 6 pounds from our holiday so just as well that was the last of the FLIPZ. Anyway, sorted through the snaps on Friday night and came across this lunch pic from Wholefoods. Wholefoods would do a roaring trade here in New Zealand…and I’d be poor. Can see some bloggers having some great successes – keep it up girls!

Pop Tarts in da house!

2010-11-02T09:07:00.001+13:00

I got home last night to a very excited D. He had found a store that sells American food here in New Zealand and bought some Chocolate Fudge Pop Tarts. After dinner he rushed into the kitchen and said ‘You’ll have 2 won’t you?’, ‘How many calories?’ I asked. ‘…umm…I dunno if it says…oh shit…200…each…I didn’t even think’.

The poor guy looked so disappointed. I’m not sure if it was in me because my calorie counting took the shine off his excitement or himself because he’s tried to be so supportive and thinks he messed up. It’s OK. Saying no to food doesn’t mean I’m saying no to him – hopefully he realises that :).

Holiday over – back to reality

2010-11-01T15:39:00.000+13:00

Our holiday was awesome. Far too short (12 days all up) and yet I was ecstatic to be on our way home at the end. I tried on (and bought) more clothes while we were away that I have in the last 5 years combined. I came home with jeans, work tops, some singlets and most importantly shoes. It’s so hard finding decent and affordable size 11 shoes here! And yes, I did buy a few items that are too tight to be worn straight away.

Holiday food was interesting. Eating out for every single meal quickly took its toll on my system and … I’ll spare you the details. Yes I ate FLIPZ and burgers and fries and even a bit of ice cream but I also ate a lot of fruit, and hi fibre granola bars. I’m struggling to recall a meal that I completely finished – portion sizes live up to their reputation. Thankfully D never complained at sharing a meal between the 2 of us and is the best plate cleaner.

Overall the scales are up to 91.7 this morning which I’m OK with. I’ve tried to get back into the tracking and walking routine straight away – I don’t want to get ‘post holiday complacent’ this time. So happy to be back and looking forward to catching up on some blog reading this week - hope you've all been well!

300 grams and 3 sleeps to go

2010-10-12T08:57:00.000+13:00

Weighed in this morning at 90.3kg. 90 bloody point 3! So close to my goal of 90 but more importantly under 200 pounds. Yay for me and yay for my car as it gets a clean courtesy of D.

I think I handled Sunday quite well - I popped out into the garden for a few hours before and after lunch and managed to resist shoving my face into the bowl of onion dip. It helped that I had / have a throbbing tooth ache. Going to the murder house this afternoon to see if anything can be done before we go on holiday.

Only 3 sleeps to go until we fly out. Am really looking forward to it and am even looking forward to doing a bit of clothes shopping in Vegas (which I normally hate). The range is far greater in the States compared to here in New Zealand and the exchange rate is pretty good at the moment so I'm planning to make the effort to try stuff on that I wouldn't normally think would suit me...just in case it does!

That wasn't exercise, it was fun!

2010-10-09T16:43:00.000+13:00

Been a while since I had a moment to sit and actually type a decent post but I've been saving mental notes along the way.

Work has been hectic. I was babysitting some consultants for a week which meant I didn’t get much of my own work done and certainly didn’t have time to track, let along blog. And we all know what happens when you don’t track! I didn’t go nuts but I know I consumed too much salt and I certainly drank too much wine over the weekend that followed. Gained a pound and I’m bloody grateful it wasn’t more.

So this week has been better and as King Julian would say my mantra has been “I like to move it, move it”...

Sunday – 6km hard bike ride along a rough trail
Monday – 3km walk
Tuesday – 3 km fast walk (trying to keep up with 9 y/o on a bike!)
Wednesday – 3km easy bike ride + an hour in the garden at night The ride was especially cool because this was the same route of my first few rides that I had huffed and puffed around and yet this time it was EASY!
Thursday – 4.5km walk
Friday - 4.5km walk
Today – housework, housework, housework

Tomorrow our house will be full of ~~boys~~ men watching Bathurst (V8 endurance race) all day with junk food spread across the coffee table. While I enjoy the racing I don't plan on sitting around stuffing my face and undoing all this hard work in a single day. Monday is my last weigh in before our holiday. Gonna make it count :).

Stage 2 of the nominees for the Versatile Blogger Award are...

2010-10-07T09:03:00.000+13:00

I warned you that these would be coming in stages :)

Weigh Down
Debbie has received oodles of awards already (and rightly so). She works super hard, posts her food journal regularly and moves her arse – a great inspiration!
Smaller Fun Pants
I’ll admit that it was the name of the blog that initially drew me in but it’s the light bulb moments that keep me going back :)
Real Fat
Keelie is the same height as me (which helps me relate to the weight goals) and is absolutely gorgeous – just like her blog!

Check out my earlier post for details on what the Versatile Blogger Award means (thanks again Diane!).

Epiphany while rolling rubbish bins

2010-09-29T20:37:00.000+13:00

We have a lovely Pacific Island family living in front of us and tonight as I rolled the rubbish bins to the road I noticed they were having a bit of a 'par-tay' out the back. All I could focus on was the huge bottles of coke and fanta on the table and packets of potato chips spread from one end of their deck to the other. And an amazing thing happened...I didn't think "invite me over, invite me over, invite me over" - my first thought was "oh my gawd - you (as in my neighbours) are a prime target for diabetes and this isn't helping".

This thought (while judgemental) is a significant step forward for me. To not view junk food and immediately want it is one of those NSV things! I'll take it :)

Versatile Blogger Award...who...me?

2010-09-28T19:13:00.000+13:00

Diane over at Big Beautiful Me has tagged me for a Versatlile Bogger Award – OMG! Chuffed is the understatement of the year so thank you Diane!

Award etiquette is:

Thank the person who gave me the award (That’s you Diane – thank you!)
Share 7 things about myself.
Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs
Let my nominees know about their award.

Number 3 and 4 will have to happen in stages...some research and time required!

7 things you don't know about me yet...

I am Giant Panda crazy (another reason we travel a lot - none in New Zealand)
I got married (to my ex husband) in Vegas
I love my job
Purple is my favourite colour
'Hold Please Caller’ is my favourite saying (and no, I don't work in a call centre)
I have a fungal infection on my left foot that refuses to go away (TMI – I know!)
(ducking for cover) I really don’t like children

Stage 1 of the nominees for the Versatile Blogger Award are...(in no particular order)

A Packable Feast
Check out the photos of LikeyLou’s lunch box….yummo!
Losing Weight After 45 is a Bitch
I’m not 45 yet! But this provides some great inspiration and a good ‘reality check’ for me.
So Over fat
Tell it like it is Sista! I feel myself nodding repeatedly…wanna snack…YES!

Thanks again Diane - you made my day!

Winning weekend

2010-09-20T09:07:00.001+12:00

Looks like water was the thing holding me back on weekends! I chugged down glasses of the stuff at every opportunity I had and this mornings weigh in showed a (drum roll please) 3.5 pound loss. Wohoo! We’ve had a storm here so not much exercise over the past week – only physical activity has been cleaning up fallen branches and mulching trees for the garden.

Dying to get out on the bike again - pic of my purple baby below. I need to keep desensitising my butt so I can ride along Santa Monica beach during our holiday next month.

Been thinking about the holiday a lot (I'm an anally retentive planner / researcher when it comes to vacations) - dreamt about food 2 nights in a row. Although last nights dream about a cheesecake made from plain flour and dried potato flakes was more like a nightmare...hope everyone has a great week!

Saying goodbye to a best friend

2010-09-13T08:48:00.000+12:00

I just tweeted that I wasn’t going to blog until I had something nice to say. Liar liar pants on fire.

I am pissed off. Over the past week I have measured and tracked every single thing that’s gone in my mouth, ridden my new bike like a demon twice and walked for at least 30 minutes each day (an hour on Sunday). And I’m doing this all at pace. It’s not a half arsed dawdle around the carpark. This is leg stretching, arm waving lunacy. All I’m missing is the head band. Thursday’s ‘unofficial’ mid week weigh in showed at least a kilo loss. And yet when it comes to Monday, it turns out I’ve managed to gain back the 200 grams I lost last week. What am I doing over the weekend that makes everything turn to custard? The only thing I can think of is that I’m not drinking as much water on the weekend. Some serious soul searching required.

Lucy on dribble duty

Aside from that, I joined my ex husband at the vets on Saturday to put our 18 year old furbaby to sleep. She had recently been diagnosed with a cancerous tongue lesion and had started having seizures so it was time to say goodbye. Bloody sad time but she had a great life. D and I still share our house with her brother Chester and needless to say he’s been smothered with cuddles over the past couple of days. See you in the next life Muffin.

Post from the shaky isles

2010-09-08T09:41:00.003+12:00

Photo courtesy of Andrew Drake on Flickr

We had a pretty big earthquake down here in little old New Zealand on Saturday morning and while it wasn’t near where I live, one of our main offices is located there and it’s been chaos trying to get things up and running ever since. Hence a late post…but it sure puts things in perspective!

I spent some time last night catching up on the blogging world, in particular Melting Candy (thanks for the follow!). One thing that struck me about this blog (and why I kept reading, and reading, and reading) was the photos. I haven’t loaded photos of either myself or my food (mainly because I only recently got a home laptop) but that is about to change. This weeks personal challenge is to get a ‘before’ photo of me up…and maybe one of my bike.

200gram loss this week – that time of the month so AOK by me :).

Man my butt hurts!

2010-09-02T09:14:00.000+12:00

Have been crazy at work so not able to sneak a blog post in until now. Lost 300 grams this week (half a pound) but that’s not the exciting thing…I bought a bike! D has had one for a while and encouraged me to get a cheap second hand one to ‘give it a go’. I figured that so many of the ladies I follow have bikes so there must be something to it and picked up my new purple friend on Sunday.

Well I went for my first proper ride last night – sweet jebuz it was hard. I used muscles that have been napping for a 2 decades but had heaps of fun and D was super encouraging and kept saying how proud he was of me. Feeling pretty lucky this morning…and a little tender in the rear!

Choosing my weight loss journey

2010-08-25T16:13:00.000+12:00

I came across a blog today that made me really sad and also super determined at the same time. It’s not one I follow, and I won’t name it here but it was about a wonderful woman and her weight loss journey over the past 10 years. There were methodically captioned photos for this entire journey which detailed her weight going from 285 pounds to 165 pounds to 235, to 156, to 250 and so on. She was smiling in every photo and I can only commend her determination to lose that weight again and again and again without giving up (she’s currently in what she calls a ‘skinny’ phase). Wow. I so don’t want to be that person.

It made me realise that I am not losing weight this time for a particular event and then letting go again. I’m doing this to be the healthiest I can be. Full stop. Yes, I’ll have small targets to get me motivated but like so many of you out there I’m not restricting the types of foods I eat – just the amount of calories. I need to be able to live this life for a long time yet. There will still be many chocolate covered pretzels in my future – I just won’t use them as an excuse to stop caring about myself next time.

Yes we can!

2010-08-23T16:35:00.000+12:00

This morning the scales showed 92.9kg – 204.8 pounds. Which is still too much but what is cool about that number is that it means I’ve lost 5% and met my initial October holiday goal. Freakin’ awesome!

So let’s up the stakes a bit – October holiday goal now set to 90kg - 198.4 pounds. 7 weeks to do it. Can we do it? YES WE CAN!

Whatever I'm doing is working

2010-08-16T08:06:00.000+12:00

Super quick post before I host an all day workshop for out of towners today…another 1.5 pounds down this week – yay! Had an awesome walk around the waterfront yesterday while there was a break in the weather. Really feeling strong in my legs now.

Bit the bullet and bought a laptop yesterday so won’t have to start work early / stay late to keep up with the online world…good stuff, hope everyone had a great weekend like me!

Support of a partner

2010-08-09T08:31:00.000+12:00

This week was a great one. I got 3 walks in and a long session in the garden (man my hamstrings are sore today!), and while it may not be burning calories at a high rate it sure stops me from eating the junk food. Why the hell would I want to have to walk even further to burn it off? I also realised that I should have taken some measurements – jeans are feeling loose and I’d like to know what the changes are.

I need to give a shout out to D – he’s kicked the fizzy habit over the past 6 weeks, is trying to eat breakfast and has already lost 5.5kg (12 pounds). Not mention he's coming for walks with me and generally continuing his habit of being super encouraging and affirming. I have never had someone tell me I'm beautiful in my life. He rocks.

I’ve caught up on blog reading and feel totally humbled by the stories of determination and ultimate success. It’s reassuring that there are others out there having the same dumb feelings and thoughts as me. Nearly 2 pounds down this week – wohoo!

Computer says no and congrats Bitch Cakes!

2010-08-02T08:57:00.001+12:00

I really thought I'd be in for at least a 500gram loss this week and then I went to a Romanian friend's birthday lunch on Saturday. Big mistake. Romanian birthday celebration = 6 hours of eating and I'm not exaggerating. I tried to use all the tactics in the book - talked non stop to strangers, kept salad on my plate, must have said I was full half a dozen times and claimed a headache every time there was wine offered. Yet still I know it was horrendous calorie wise. D and I had been for an hour walk in the morning in partial preparation but nothing could have offset that carnage.

Yesterday was a lot better - bush walk in the morning and 2 hours strolling around the museum in the afternoon. This morning the scales said no change from last week and I'm ok with that. My exercise is up and I'm tracking foods every day - the weight will follow.

And before I go, huge congrats to Sheryl aka *Bitch Cakes* on reaching her goal weight this past week. I haven’t mentioned her before but I follow her religiously and she’s a huge inspiration to so many of us, not to mention witty and gorgeous!

mmm....lemon cake

2010-07-26T08:26:00.000+12:00

I kicked myself in the arse last week and cut my calories a notch and it's worked! I also went nuts with the coffee and water one day and solved my *ahem* constipation issue. So the scales showed a 1.5kg (3 pound loss) this week. Although I'm mentally averaging that over a two period due to the aforementioned situation.

Fell off the wagon in terms of a formal food diary over the weekend but was adding stuff up in my head. Said a big fat NO to nibbles on Saturday night and then a resounding YES to the lemon cake that our guest bought over for desert. It was delicious. And I'm becoming really good at piling up the veges on the plate to make it look like I'm eating as much as everyone else (and enjoying it)...sneaky sneaky! Finding it much easier to cope when I pre plan meals for a couple of days in advance. Suits my anally retentive, obsessive compulsive personality quite nicely. Enjoy your respective summers....can't wait for mine!

Taking it on the chin

2010-07-19T08:48:00.001+12:00

Scales showed a 300 gram (just over half a pound) gain this morning. Not happy. But at the risk of overshare, I’m constipated and feeling pretty yuck in general so I’m not planning a revenge binge just yet. Who the hell would I be getting back at anyway? The scales? Like they care! D is also trying to drop some weight before our holiday and also gained this week – sympathy pounds?

On the positive side, I did a crap load of gardening over the weekend – cut 2 trees down that had been bothering me since we moved in and started pruning the feijoa tree. Arms are hella sore this morning! Have also been super vigilant at tracking my calories and the snacking seems to be under control. Back to the water bottle!

Flip it's cold

2010-07-13T13:33:00.001+12:00

Weigh in yesterday morning delivered a 600 gram (1.3 pound) loss so thank you jebuz for the willpower to not snack. Tummy rumbles are under control but this is ‘that time of the month’ and I’m craving carbs and comfort food something awful.

D is being wonderful again and just keeps saying FLIPZ if I look like waivering. A gentle reminder that this ‘season’ is all so I can feel more comfortable making the 12 hour flight to the States where I’ll be able to get these wonderful chocolate covered goodies again. In a totally sensible portion size of course. Freezing cold here but still managed 2 walks last week - aiming for another tonight!

Tummy rumbling

2010-07-05T09:53:00.001+12:00

First week down of being back on track and I must say it was harder than I remembered. I must have been really twisting the rules last time! I realise that my portion sizes had crept up and up and up over the past 6 months - measuring stuff again has been a good reality check.

Only managed 1 proper exercise session and not sure how this week will go given the heavy rain warning that's just been issued.

Anyways...tracked my food every day and the scales were good to me - 700 grams (1.5 pounds) gone. Wohoo!

No excuses, not even reasons

2010-06-28T12:21:00.001+12:00

I have been in a happy place of denial for the last 5 months. My divorce is nearly ‘done’ and D and I have bought a house together. This warm fuzzy nesting phase plus a drop in the temperature has meant yummy sausages with cheesy mashed potato and gravy followed up with cuddling on the couch with ice cream (and D). And I don’t even like ice cream! And check out the stats baby – managed to put on 4kg (nearly 9 pounds)!

I still don’t have a computer at home so borrowed a laptop from work for this past weekend. It took me 24 hours to surf all the travel websites, scout out any good deals and convince D (and myself) that we really can afford another trip to the States this year. So, we leave New Zealand late on October 15 and arrive in Los Angeles early on October 15. Love those time zones! But hate how uncomfortable the seats are.

Hence, I’m back tracking calories again. Aim is to lose the 4kg I’ve put on + 1 more for luck, actually, not even an ‘aim’…let’s make it a ‘fact’.

Week 20 weigh in - Same ole, same ole

2010-02-04T12:07:00.000+13:00

A week of no loss despite D encouraging me to *gasp* jog for part of our walks. I like to pretend that there could be actual muscle forming somewhere.

It's my birthday tomorrow (Friday), my project finally goes live in the morning and I'm taking the day off to walk around an island watching birds. Weather forecast is good, should be fun!

Ketchup

2010-01-31T16:03:00.000+13:00

I've got 2 posts sitting in drafts that have just been abandoned. One was re weight 2 weeks ago and another bestowing the virtues of all the walking I'd been doing. All still true but the moment has gone.

This post is to congratulate myself for not binging while D has been away. We're in the middle of a long weekend (which pretty much guarantees he'll be away for work) and I've been out walking for 2 hours, eaten relatively healthy (oats, salmon, rice crackers and lots of water) and didn't go overboard at a friends engagement party last night. Haven't even been tempted to hunt through the cupboards for the pineapple lumps that I know have been hidden by D. Today hasn't been that active but am catching up on my blog reading - some of you are absolutely rocking!

Hoping my project goes live at work this week - I may even start getting some time back to blog during the day again.

Week 17 weigh in

2010-01-15T16:03:00.001+13:00

Almost forgot to post! Thought I'd better get one in before I leave work and it's associated Interweb connection.

Scales were very generous and allowed a .8 pound (400 gram) loss this week. Not bad for a week of back-at-work-need-wine-non-counting-but-trying. Anyway that was 2 days ago - aiming for a super active weekend and an even better result next week.

I have a time machine!

2010-01-07T13:38:00.000+13:00

Yes, after piling on the pudge I'm up to where I was mid November. But I'm back at work after a couple of weeks off to recharge (read: gorge) and all is in balance with the world again. Relationship is still on track to be great again, the weather is stinking hot (which reminds me how icky it is to be a lard arse in summer) and I'm putting all the crap that happened around me at the end of 2009 behind me.

My laptop died the week before Christmas so my end goal of treating myself to a new one is now even more inspiring. Been for 2 walks already this week and am loading up on grilled chicken and spinach salads - bring on next Wednesday's weigh in!

Latest Weigh in and 'stuff'

2009-12-21T14:00:00.000+13:00

Been a roller coaster of a couple of weeks with relationship wobbles at home and long days at work that prevented seeing the wobbles before they became complete jello. This was the closest that D and I have come to ever really ending it but he is the king of self help and there are now books littering the floor bursting with tips, action plans and checklists to start us back on the road to awesome. Reading doesn't come naturally to D so I love him even more for wanting to work at this and we'll do it one page at a time.

Amazing how you can go from what you think is awesome to 'pretty shit really' in the blink of an eye. Nevermind. Moving on. But needless to say the scales have been telling me I'm not in control. Gain of a whole kg (3.8 pounds) over the past 2.5 weeks. Impressive in the completely wrong way. Was tempted to not post - quit - start again - pretend I never tried. But then re read my posts so far and was reminded of how awesome it feels to be in control, how much all of you have achieved and how these challenges only make us stronger.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Letting food win

2009-12-06T22:26:00.001+13:00

I don't want this to be a totally negative post but a 12 hour day at work on a Sunday has found me getting crap out of the vending machine, having leftover pizza and then eating more junk when I got home out of sheer lazyiness. Hmmm. I feel like I've got a hangover. I know this isn't good! It's 10:30. I'm going to bed before I do more damage.

Week 11 weigh in

2009-12-03T13:35:00.000+13:00

There was a wohoo from the bathroom this morning as the scales showed another 800 gram loss (1.7 pounds). I'm now only 200 grams away from Christmas goal of 93 kg.

My project at work is finally making some forward progress which is awesome but also means 12 hour days. I'm packing plenty of healthy snacks to remove the vending machine temptation and am thankful that it's summer and my office doesn't have air conditioning - the heat sure does put a dampener on the appetite!

Will be working through the weekend but hope to make time to catch up on everyone’s blogs – your successes are awesome motivation!

Week 10 weigh in (10 weeks!)

2009-11-26T08:35:00.001+13:00

The scales were good to me this week (to make up for last week) and show an 800 gram loss (1.7 pounds) wohoo!

I've been reading a lot this week about other 'losers' relationships with their partners and how they are sometimes challenged by the physical and mental changes appearing in their loved one who is getting healthy. I am reminded how incredibly lucky I am to have D who is super supportive (even if he does worry about my boobs shrinking). Last night he cooked on the BBQ (I even saw him pat the spray oil off the potato with a paper towel), had salad and had not only bought, but also hulled, a huge bowl of strawberries for desert. He rocks! This week is dedicated to him :).

On a high from what?

2009-11-25T10:47:00.000+13:00

Have had such a good week so far and am at a loss to explain why. Maybe it's the multi-vitamin I've started taking. Maybe it's because I'm at the end of my cycle (but that normally makes me grumpy?). Maybe my thyroid is up. Maybe it's the encouragement gained from reading all the fantastic blogs and success stories that are out there.

Either way, I'm experiencing a general feeling of awesomeness and am ridiculously motivated to walk, eat well, smile lots and perhaps even revisit my goal weight. Let's wait and see what the scales say tomorrow morning!

TGIM - Thank goodness for Monday

2009-11-23T16:11:00.000+13:00

Yep, TGIM. There's not even an undertone of sarcasm with this one. Sunday saw me on a go slow due to back pain, crummy weather and the excuse of D being home to watch TV with. The cupboards were bare and neither of us could be motivated to do grocery shopping so did a quick snack run instead. I know I verbally said (at least twice) "I don't want food to cheer me up - you know I have a problem with it!", and even sat in the car while D went inside. And then he came out with corn chips and marshmallow Santa's legs...my face lit up like a Christmas tree. Pathetic.

But it did the trick - funk gone, all calories accounted for and today is a 'make up' day. So what makes this such a good Monday? Back pain mostly gone, I'm in charge of the calories...and a quickie before work helped too...must do that more often!

Week 9 weigh in

2009-11-20T09:06:00.000+13:00

Should have titled this post "the week I kick my own arse". Erm...yea. The weight I lost last week came back. And I totally know why and am damn lucky it wasn't more. I wasn't consistently logging calories and portion control went completely out the window after my mouth ulcers healed and I was able to eat yummy (bad, bad BAD) food again.

There's only 5 weeks until Christmas and I want to get to 93kg (205lbs) by then which will mark the 5% lost mark. So this is the week that I stop pretending it can be easy and actually work at it!

* And thanks for your continued encouragement POD - much appreciated :)

Good relationships pause the urge to eat

2009-11-17T16:24:00.000+13:00

Soon after I started my current job (just over a year ago), I promised myself that I would make the effort to 'meet' at least one new work colleague every day. This could be just by talking to them over the phone or in person but it had to be away from email or instant messaging. My job is a lot easier if I have good relationships with my internal customers (my ‘users’)!

The project I'm working on has me head down, bum up a lot of the time so this week I have made the effort to get back to the personal stuff. And it's paying off. Seeing the excitement in someone face after simply asking them for their opinion gives me a real rush, stops me from getting in a work funk and reaching for the chocolate...or wine :).

Week 8 weigh in

2009-11-12T08:46:00.000+13:00

Work has been exasperating over the last week and I’ve now got 4 gorgeous mouth ulcers that make me feel like I’ve been punched in the face when I wake up in the morning.

The little things that have previously been getting me through the day have been put aside… sugar free gum, yoghurt, tomatoes, rice crackers, even oatmeal is agony! Chocolate milk and cheese is my friend. Never mind – 400 grams down (.8 of a pound). Can’t complain!

Have started taking B12, zinc and iron to try and kick my immune system back to the 'on' position...now I just need to make peace with my failing project at work.

Week 7 weigh in

2009-11-05T08:27:00.000+13:00

I can't believe it's been 7 weeks already! 300 grams off after a week of not counting calories much so I'm pretty happy. Have still been watching portion sizes and making sure the balance of protein, carbs and good fats is there (and no sugary drinks) - it's paying off!

Reading a lot of blogs for inspiration - there are some amazing achievements out there! Next mini goal is to get to 93kg for Christmas which will be the 5% mark...bring it on!

Week 6 weigh in

2009-10-29T08:33:00.000+13:00

700 grams down and I'm under the 210 pound mark...small victory! Hoping that next week will see me in the bottom half of the 90's.

Been noticing that eating smaller portions and making good choices is getting easier. Another weekend on my own coming up so hopefully I can keep it going.

Week 5 weigh in

2009-10-22T08:49:00.000+13:00

I did it! The 500 grams that came back last week are gone again. Back under the 96 kg mark - yay! Must remember to look at my postings and diary for this week when feeling disheartened as I've managed to lose this while still being very social and I only exercised once. I made some great food choices and it's shown on the scales...thank goodness!

So proud of myself

2009-10-22T08:45:00.000+13:00

Am home from my work trip and I'm so proud of myself and the willpower I found while away. I turned down the offer of going out for a late dinner one night and got my sauce on the side, left fries on my plate and declined desert the second night. I also only had one plate at the breakfast buffet - the old me would have been too worried about what others thought to do any of this and not only did I do it but it wasn’t hard!

I am so excited that I had the inner strength to do this – I'm finally starting to develop the good habits I’ll need to succeed long term.

Breaking into a jog

2009-10-19T10:00:00.000+13:00

I went for a 6.4km walk yesterday and my legs are really feeling it today. Which is great - I do practically zero exercise but I do like the reminder of calories burned for the next day or so 'post exertion'. And don't tell anyone but there was even a point where I broke into a jog just to see what it would feel like. I think the answer is 'jiggly'.

I also did really well with food choices over the weekend despite attending a housewarming, going out to dinner with a friend and spending Sunday by myself with only the TV and fridge for company. Am away for work over the next couple of days - need to find the strength to not pig out at the breakfast buffet!

Week 4 weigh in

2009-10-15T08:32:00.000+13:00

I shouldn't be surprised - half a kilo back on this week and I can't gasp in horror pretending I don't know why.

Nevermind - food diary obsession is back and I'm determined that this 500 grams won't be there next week.

Time to get back on the horse

2009-10-13T09:12:00.000+13:00

I've been in a complete funk since last Thursday and my food choices (and consumption thereof) have reflected this. And the really dumb thing is that I could tell that bad food in = bad mood out but still I kept going and even stopped updating my food diary.

This morning I woke up in a better frame of mind and I'm determined that I will not give in on the long term goal. I may see a gain on the scales this week but that will be Ok. I can lose it next week or the week after - imagine if I did nothing and kept eating crap for the next year? It would be worse than failing a diet. I would be failing myself.

Letting food win

2009-10-09T08:49:00.000+13:00

I let a bad day get the best of me yesterday and completely gave in to the food demons. My project at work has more things broken than working and I'd only seen a 200 gram loss in the morning. Why bother? I had taken my lunch into work but cooked too much rice - thought I'd leave some behind but ate it all and felt very content afterwards.

Couldn't be bothered thinking about dinner and suggested chinese takeout when asked and stuffed myself full of chicken chow mein, sweet and sour pork and combination fried rice.

To top it off I managed to reach the box of FLIPZ on the top of the pantry and had some for desert. Still in a funk today so can't claim to be back in the saddle just yet...bring on the weekend.

Week 3 weigh in

2009-10-08T09:03:00.001+13:00

This morning the scales finally dipped under 96kg but only just. A 200 gram loss feels pathetic. Even when converted it's less than half a pound. I should be pleased - a loss is a loss right? Am tagging this with success but it really doesn't feel like it.

Carrot on the end of the stick

2009-10-06T21:44:00.000+13:00

The 'experts' recommend setting small targets to help you feel like you're achieving something when you're still soooo far away from your end goal. And let's face it, I love playing with spreadsheets so any excuse for a calculation! Here we go...

Target	Achievement	Reward
93	5% loss	Flowers
90	Under 200lbs	D cleans my car
88	10% loss	Massage
86	Under 190lbs	Flowers
83	15% loss	Book the Tattoo!
80	BMI = 30	New Lingerie
80	Maintain for month	Order new laptop!

It's at this point I have to remind myself that this blog is to keep me accountable and not meant to inspire others...'cause lets face it, this is pretty lame.

I'd kill for a poached egg

2009-10-02T19:14:00.000+13:00

After straying from the path and inhaling so many calories at lunch (see Accidents can happen) you’d think I wouldn’t need dinner. But I’m starving. I don’t want to make matters worse by giving up on today entirely - the peanut butter can stay in the pantry.

What I really want is a silky poached egg. I tried to cook one but I think the eggs are past it – total disaster. Which makes me want one even more. Preferably glazed with hollandaise sauce next to a couple of bacon rashers…argh! However I am determined that I can still eat healthy when I’m alone. Thanks for listening. Time to stare at the fridge some more.

Accidents can happen

2009-10-02T18:57:00.000+13:00

I had my first food fumble today. A colleague and I went to the pub for a celebratory lunch and while I managed to request no cheese on my burger I then proceeded to eat every last crispy fried chunky chip off my plate. So much for stopping at half. A quick calorie tally back at my desk showed the true horror of what I had done. Gulp.

I confessed to D via text and got the most awesome reply “...honey remember the Sixx AM song it’s not your whole life it’s just 1 day”. He’s referencing the Sixx:A.M. song Accidents Can Happen and if you don’t know it – have a listen below. It is of course about drug and alcohol addiction but applies equally to those of us fighting an obsession with food. Thanks D, that’s just what I needed to hear.

Week 2 weigh in

2009-10-01T08:39:00.000+13:00

Another 800 grams gone this week. 'Poof' never to be seen again. Feeling like my engine is well tuned at the moment.

I can sense the edge of hunger creeping in when I'm just about to fall asleep and by the morning it's well and truly tapping it's foot waiting for breakfast. And yet there are few times that I'm actually hungry when I shouldn't be. Early days yet but great motivation to keep going!

Keeping to a routine when eating alone

2009-09-30T11:02:00.000+13:00

D goes away for work tomorrow until Sunday. Normally I eat like crap while he's away. There's chips and dip and chocolate biscuits followed by toasted sandwiches laden with cheese. Not because I'm pining for him (although I do miss him) but because I seem to lose sense of routine and do the calories really count if there's no one to see you eat them?

I am determined that I won't fall into this pattern this time. I'm keeping busy on Thursday night and have a friend coming for dinner on Saturday with the invite specifying that the meal will be something healthy. That way I won't be tempted to just get Chinese takeout from around the corner. I can make it through Friday on my own...must ask D to hide the chocolate pretzels.

Avoiding fake conversation with skinny friends

2009-09-27T15:37:00.000+13:00

So far I've only told one person aside from my partner that I'm counting calories. Not because I'm afraid that I'll fail and look stupid - I will not fail. No, I think it's because I don't have the energy to engage in fake conversations with skinny friends about what I should and shouldn't eat.

My approach this time is simply about eating a sensible amount of fuel as opposed to limiting fat grams or points. I have friends following Weight Watchers that are restricted to the equivalent of about 600 calories less than myself each day. Sure, they may lose more than me to start with but I bet they're hungry more than I am. I am a foodie. I can't and don't want to change that. I just need to focus my obsession on better foods and stop being a lazy eater.

Week 1 weigh in

2009-09-24T08:29:00.000+12:00

A whole 1.1 kg off. It's been an awfully long time since I've seen 96 point anything flash up on that little screen.

I know first week is usually a biggie due to fluid loss etc but I've also done almost no exercise so bonus for me!

7 days down...but not hungry?

2009-09-23T21:01:00.000+12:00

It's Wednesday night and I've got my first weigh in tomorrow morning. I could pretend that I haven't been stepping on the scales every other day but that would be a big fat lie. I know it's counter-productive and I know my weight swings between morning and night but still curiosity gets the better of me.

Calorie wise I'm doing well but am a little concerned that I'm not constantly hungry. I certainly was when I was on Weight Watchers. And Jenny Craig. And every other diet I've ever been on for that matter. Of course hunger wasn't an issue when I was on the diet pills back in 2001 - that was awesome! But the weight piled on as soon as each diet ended.

I'm determined that this time I'm not on a diet - it's the same ole story about changing habits and being healthier so I'm following the 'less is more' philosophy. A small loss each week quates to a higher chance of maintaining it. Well that's the plan. Let's see what the scales say in the morning.

The potholes of shearing food

2009-09-20T18:01:00.000+12:00

D and I met online and part of his profile outlined his desire to find someone to 'shear his life with'. This quickly became an ongoing joke and D now goes out of his way to use the word share (or more precisely ‘shear’) to which I respectfully ‘baaa’ in response.

So this morning I made pikelets for breakfast which we shared (baaaa) across the kitchen counter. I love it when he keeps me company in the kitchen, even if he’s not helping. However this morning highlighted yet again one of those un sign-posted pot holes on the road to weight loss. Fairness.

D and I are 30 somethings with plenty of baggage and we both make an effort to contribute to our relationship equally. Whether that be emotionally or by helping out with the laundry. It's only fair. But what about food? You get half, I get half. Right? Not now Papa Smurf. D works his butt off for a living - I warm a chair all day. Fairness simply won't work. Even saving my other quarter for lunch the next day would be too much sometimes. So this is one area where sharing (baaa) equally isn't expected - go ahead D, take another pikelet.

When a loving partner yells at you

2009-09-18T12:29:00.000+12:00

I am the luckiest woman on earth. I have an awesome partner (we'll call him D) who not only thinks I'm gorgeous and smart but also tells me so on a regular basis. It took me a long time to be able to accept these compliments without throwing back a sarcastic response but I think I've mastered it now.

D hates it when I talk about being fat or obese. He simply doesn't see it. Perhaps he sees it as destructive self loathing. For me it is simply verbally reminding myself that my body is not at optimum efficiency. Much like a badly tuned car engine, which you’d think D would totally understand.

So this week I've tried to educate him on the health implications - this isn't merely about fitting 'normal' clothes (ooo...maybe tomorrows post!).

Don’t get me wrong – if I ask D to be my gatekeeper he will gladly eat all the chips and dip – but he’ll still yell “you’re not fat” when I fall into the depths of despair after not exercising. Maybe we could change that line to “you’re still gorgeous” so it doesn't come across as being so unsupportive?

What's with the pretzels?

2009-09-17T09:20:00.000+12:00

Why am I doing this? It's those damn chocolate covered pretzels. Specifically FLIPZ which (thank god) we can't get here in New Zealand.

But I could get them when living in London 10 years ago. From a beautiful vending machine on level 8 of the concrete tower I worked in for 14 hours a day. Of course, back then I was a highly paid contractor with a 20-something's metabolism.

The affair didn't last long but the memory remained. Subsequent trips back to the UK and then to the US have enabled the flirtation to continue. Our last trip saw me eating FLIPZ for breakfast on multiple days. And the huge tub I brought home taunts me from the top of the pantry on a daily basis. So hard to say no. But I don't want the affair to end this time. And I certainly don't need the calories.